Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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