I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
