Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
