He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
