Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
