Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it hurts more in the daytime
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
