I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
