Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
