he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
did i just pee glitter
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
