Having a random hookup so left but love u
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
