She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
