Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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