he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
