ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
