I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
