I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
