the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
