he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Randomize
