normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
