I want to stick my p in your. b.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
