I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
