You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
