Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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