for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
