Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
