Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
