ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
