i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
