i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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