If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
