maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
