Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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