My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
