Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dear god my vagina.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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