Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
