my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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