I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
