he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish i was in the wii world.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
