no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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