yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Rumble strips road head = magical
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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