Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
