It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
