So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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