Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
