I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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