Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This baby is an asshole
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
