How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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