Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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