We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
