I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
should my penis look like a turkey
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
