Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
