I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
