TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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