Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
