do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize